


Luminescence

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: mcsheplets, M/M, Trope Bingo Round 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jennifer asks him to choose, making the choice for him before he even has time to think, and Rodney wishes he understood where he went wrong. Perhaps John could help?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Luminescence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [popkin16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/popkin16/gifts).



> Written for:  
>  **mcsheplets** 219: Fresh start  
>  **trope_bingo** Round 6: character in distress

"I'm sorry, Rodney, but you have to choose. Atlantis... or me." Jennifer stared hard at him, implacable.

"I-I... I need time to think," he replied, and he knew instantly it was the worst thing he could have said judging by the way her expression closed off immediately, although he wasn't exactly sure why.

She nodded, lips quivering as if holding back even stronger emotions. When she spoke again her words were soft and sad. "Goodbye, Rodney."

She kissed him sweetly on the cheek and walked away, and he still didn't understand exactly what had gone wrong. It was some kind of logic that always escaped him and he looked to one person who had witnessed the entire public scene, seeing the weirdest set of expressions cross John's face. Too many for him to decipher because they seemed to contradict: happy and sad, angry and resigned, smug and yet guilty too. In contrast, Rodney wasn't sure what to think or feel because those same contradictory emotions were rushing through him too, and he wish he understood.

"Come on," John said softly, reaching out to snag his arm and draw him away from the Mess Hall and the stares of the others present.

Sergeant Hiro stopped John on the way out, pressing something into his hand but Rodney was too caught up inside his own head to appease his natural curiosity for once, his thoughts running in circles as he tried to make sense of everything Jennifer had said. He blinked rapidly when John stopped and made him sit down, having missed the entire walk to the transporter and then along a walkway to what had become their favorite place. Feet dangling over the edge, he stared out across the piers and water ahead of them, seeing the Golden Gate Bridge in the far distance. For a moment Earth seemed like an alien planet to him, full of alien people with alien customs, and for a moment he wondered if that was why he didn't understand what had happened between him and Jennifer. The sun was setting behind them, casting the towers into longer shadows that deepened with each passing moment. He knew the lights would be coming on, illuminating even the towers that had yet to be explored, and despite Atlantis lighting up like a Christmas Tree, the cloak would hide it from all those millions of aliens living, working, and loving on those distant shores.

John nudged him with his shoulder and pushed something into his hand, and Rodney stared at it stupidly for a moment before realizing it was a bottle of vodka. He took a quick mouthful, feeling the burn of the alcohol, before handing the bottle back, turning in time to watch John take a swallow.

"I just needed time to think," he stated softly, "I don't know what I did wrong."

John gave him a tired, sad smile. "If you loved her you wouldn't have needed time."

"That's unfair," he whined softly. "The same could be said for Atlantis."

"I know."

There was still something else he couldn't quite put his finger on, and it had to do with him not instantly choosing Atlantis over Jennifer, and he hated it. He hated feeling lost and confused, especially with the countdown to leaving Earth already down to single days remaining. Soon he'd be measuring the countdown in hours, then minutes, and though everyone simply assumed he would stay on Atlantis, especially now he'd lost Jennifer, John's words reverberated inside his head.

*If you loved her you wouldn't have needed time.*

"I love Atlantis," he blurted out, causing John to raise an eyebrow. "Oh, give me that," he snapped, grabbing the bottle and taking another healthy slug of the strong alcohol.

"What if...?" John started to say but stopped, tongue swiping across his lower lip in that tell-tale show of nervousness, something Rodney had learned to read over the years.

"What if what?"

John smiled and tried to shrug it off but Rodney knew it was important to John, and that meant it was important to him too.

"What if the choice was between Atlantis and... me?"

Rodney snorted. "Don't be stupid, Sheppard. You're not going anywhere," he scoffed.

"I'm military, Rodney. I could be reassigned at a moment's notice."

The shock of that hit Rodney square in the chest, sucking the air out of his lungs. "Have you...? Have they...?" He waved his hand around in agitation.

"No."

"Oh no," Rodney murmured as the elusive answer to his earlier question slammed hard into him, an inner light blazing into life, adding a new layer of distress.

He grabbed the bottle and took another mouthful, coughing this time when the alcohol fumes hit the back of his throat before he could swallow. He shoved the bottle back at John, feeling his eyes watering as John pounded him on the back.

"You okay, buddy?"

Finally able to breathe again, he fell silent, acutely aware John would give him time to pull his thoughts together, remaining silent and supportive by his side. A good friend. His best friend, and as his life flashed before his eyes he found fragmented memories of this same place in another time; of beer cans rather than a bottle of vodka, and a silent declaration that John would always be there for him, a light shining in the darkness of those days. Jennifer and Atlantis. He loved them both but neither of them could compete with John. For John he would throw away his chance of a Nobel by spending the rest of his life working on a puzzle to save him, and destroy an entire time line of forty-eight thousand years in the process.

Something in his expression must have distressed John because Rodney had never seen him looking so worried, and Rodney hoped he wasn't about to make an even bigger mistake with his next words... until he realized John had always responded better to actions. He took the bottle from John's hand again but this time only to set it aside.

"You idiot," he exclaimed softly, taking John's face in his hands and kissing him, seeing a chance to make a fresh start with the person he loved more than anything or anyone.

Later he would fervently deny that he'd been berating himself for being such a fool for so many years.

END  
 


End file.
